I used to describe my ex-husband as being, “the master of the specious argument”. Obviously, he is my “ex” because we had innumerable differences of opinions and values.  When someone is particularly bright, forceful, and needing to be “right”, any discussion can readily turn into a quarrel, where there is a winner and a loser. Wounded feelings easily become festering sores, leaving the issues (supposedly) addressed, unresolved.

What is often so frustrating when dealing with pontificators is that your gut lets you know they are full of hot air, but your mind gets stuck in thinking up reasons to try and counter these fallacious and empty rationalizations.   Admittedly, it took me years to figure out how to deflect and dispel the sophistry and condescending remarks, particularly when couched as being “constructive” or voicing the “Truth”.

Hopefully, the following methods will provide useful tactics before getting mired in another’s lopsided logic:

• Sinking in quicksand – before you’re in over your head, cut the conversation short.  Agree to disagree and stop engaging that person in a discussion.
• Time is on your side – since it’s unlikely that someone is holding a gun to your head, it’s perfectly legitimate to say, “I need time to think about it”, or, “I’ll get back to you”, etc.
• Invoke authority – knowledge IS power!  Just about all the information you need is a Google away.  Check what the experts in the field are saying, or present an array of different ideas, opinions, or suggestions (this can be particularly helpful in a work environment, with a boss or supervisor who loves to argue and thinks he/she is omniscient).
• What are friends for? – get feedback and suggestions from those you trust when looking for new ways to shore up your retorts to a long-standing, current, or likely dispute.
• Refuse to be a victim – how many times can you be shocked or broadsided by both the actual tone and message of spurious comments or debate?
• Time to move on – if the interactions with another individual are fraught with frustration, anger and lowered self-esteem, it’s time to sever, or severely limit, those ties.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!